Infertility Etiquette Cheat Sheet: IVF Support for Friends & Family
- Amber Jean Wheatley
- Aug 11
- 2 min read
A funny but real guide to supporting someone through IVF—what to say, what to skip, and what actually helps
Infertility and IVF are exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you love someone going through it, you probably want to help… but sometimes the words or actions meant to comfort can land in ways you didn’t intend.
That’s why I created this Infertility Etiquette Cheat Sheet—a lighthearted but clear guide to help friends and family show up in a way that feels supportive, not stressful.
The tips here are inspired in part by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association’s Infertility Etiquette Guide (a fantastic resource I recommend reading) and reimagined with the IVF*this humor + honesty.
At the end of this post, you can download a free printable version of the cheat sheet to keep or share with the people in your life for IVF Support.
🚫 What Not to Say
“You can still be a mother.” / “You can always adopt or foster.” / “You can have my kids!”I might smile or joke back, but inside it stings. It skips over the grief of how I imagined becoming a parent.
“Just relax.” / “Try not to stress.” / “Just take a vacation.”If “just” worked, I’d be running my own Brady Bunch by now. Infertility is a medical condition, not a mindset problem.
“It’s in God’s hands.” / “God has a plan.” / “If it’s meant to be…”Faith can be deeply comforting, but these phrases can feel dismissive in the middle of treatment heartbreak.
“What’s new with you?” / “How’s everything?” / “Still doing the IVF thing?”Harmless on the surface—but can be emotionally loaded if I’m mid-cycle, just got bad news, or am about to start again.
✋ What Not to Do
Ask for a play-by-play.This isn’t ESPN. If I want to share cycle updates, I will.
Offer medical tips from Dr. Google.I have a medical team for that.
Compare me to someone else’s miracle baby story.Every journey is different. Comparisons can make it feel lonelier.
💡 What Helps
Offer practical help.Meals, rides to appointments, pet-sitting, or childcare can make a huge difference.
Ask what’s actually helpful.“Want me to bring wine, a casserole, or a flamethrower?” is always a good starting point.
Just listen.Sometimes the best support is sitting with me in my feelings without trying to fix them.
Why This Matters
Supporting someone through infertility isn’t about saying the perfect thing—it’s about being present, respectful, and aware. This guide makes it easy to understand what helps and what hurts, without adding more emotional weight to an already heavy journey.
For more in-depth guidance, I encourage you to read RESOLVE’s Infertility Etiquette guide—it’s a fantastic resource for anyone who wants to show up well for their loved one.
Download the Free Printable
I know it’s not always easy to remember all of this in the moment, so I turned the Infertility Etiquette Cheat Sheet into a simple one-page printable you can share with your own friends and family. Print it, pin it to the fridge, text it, email it—whatever works to get the point across.
Comments